When I Grow Up

When I grow up is one of those things that you hear come out of countless peoples mouths, and I always seem to catch myself thinking about when they going to actually believe they are grown. I think that most of them will probably see themselves most grown up when they accomplish what ever it is they want the most. But to me that seems wrong, I think there are multiple things that have to happen in order to make yourself believe that you are grown up.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”- Anais Nin

Right now I am real unsure about all the things necessary to learn and to realize that you have grown, but I honestly can say that I have encountered some of them. And by no means, am I saying that I am growing up too fast, or trying to grow up too fast, I am just saying that there have been times in last couple of days which make me feel uneasy and more “grown” about things.

First, Yesterday one of my close friends and I went to go look around at the mall and ran into a old friend that no longer attends the same high school as we do. Back when he did attend the same high school he sure had gotten into his fair share of trouble, as he will tell you, and that’s most of the reason he doesn’t attend anymore. But as we got talking about school, future plans, friends I noticed a huge shift in everything I thought I knew about the kid. He went from some one who could care less about what other people think about him, to telling us he hopes no one is holding anything against him at school. And now is getting all kinds of opportunities to extend his education through the help of the army. After shaking his hand and a honest “good luck,” I walked away with a weird feeling that I have witnessed a complete change in a person that I would of never thought would of.

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.- Henri Bergson

I suppose there is one more little thing that got thinking about while staring off into space in either math or science class, and that’s my views on teachers and these adults that all of us kids are supposed to be learning all these important life lessons from… what a joke. Its weird to me for me to finally be able to look at a teacher or some one of authority and relate them to someone I know. Now, don’t get me wrong I do respect all of them and there are many, many good people teaching around here but the ones that I had been looking up too ever since middle school are kind of reminding me of the some of the jerks that I hang around with. I could throw these guys farther then I trust them , which let me tell you is quite an uneasy feeling.. HAHA Have a good night :)

Trust him not with your secrets, who, when left alone in your room, turns over your papers.- Johnann Kaspar Lavater

My Influences

As I have been trying to keep up with my blog as much as possible, with my busy hectic life, I start to realize what makes me look at the world differently. Sure some writers can sit down at any point in their busy day and spit out or right down what seems to be a flawless piece of writing. This is frustrating to me, because as I try to come up with some new ideas I always feel like I am coming up short. I started this blog to help me practice the one thing I have been constantly told I am not good at, expressing my feelings. I have found that this is an extremely hard task to try and learn. I will admit I feel like I am getting better, but it seems to take an actual event to “jumpstart” my thought process. I strive to be the kind of person that can share his important feelings any time he needs to, or to be able to tell the special people in your life how you feel about them, or to blog on a daily basis about seemingly nothing….. Have a good day.. :)

Now What...?

I experienced an extremely difficult situation to understand this week, i have been thinking about it non- stop for the past couple of days. Actually thinking about it to the point where it is hard to sleep and makes my stomach have a constant nervous feeling, it is a terrible thing. This was my experience, my best friend for about 5 months and i are now not speaking, not visiting, not communicating in any way. This can really do some harm to the moral of any human being. Its hard for me to grasp the fact of breaking up...

This was one of the most difficult experiences i have been through thus far in my short inexperienced life. The thing that really makes me wonder is how a simple title, "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" change the way the society as a whole looks at you. Its and idea, a concept, a word, not a tangible object like a wedding ring. But this title has more power than you would ever believe. This title of boyfriend/girlfriend makes you choose what you do with you free time differently, makes you spend money differently, makes other people look completely different at you. And the most powerful of all turns people completely against you when it is removed. The thing that i am having such a hard time with, is the fact the my best friend that quite possibly knows more about me than even my parents, is just gone. That gives me such an uneasy feeling it makes me sick. The only reason i decided that this "relationship" was not gonna work was because of distance. Then i start to realize that this is quite depressing... I in reality lost one of my best friends and mutual friends because of an hour car ride. For some reason it doesn't stack up for me. I guess what i am getting at is that relationships should be saved for those who are a little more mature, and in the time in their life when having a significant other is vital. Because what you get out of it, which is a lot, is not worth what you are going to lose...... have a good night :/

From one of my best friends... Do what makes you happy :)

Josiah Leming

I seemed to run across this video on one of those nights where all I seem to do is search you tube. This was quite I good find I found out quickly after watching about 2 min. of it. After watching this amazing video of what it seems to be the next great musician, I did some research about this musician that I have never heard of before. This is quite an amazing story, Josiah is his name and He decided to devote his life to music and dropped out of high school is senior year, live in his car, was basically homeless for about 2 years. Then he caught a break, in maybe one of the less likely ways, the good ol’ American Idol. Then from then on this young man has been taking off, signing contracts, selling albums, writing flawless songs and making money. But the real reason that I linked this video to my blog is because this young musician has a lot of what I am striving to find. This video shows complete passion in his music, something is clearly felt by this musician. You can tell this by the way he seems to “Feel” the music, he seems as though nothing else matters when this creating this music. I wish I were brave enough, passionate enough, talented enough, to drop all that is normal (accepted) in my life to pursue something greater as this man did. He took an extreme risk and suffered for awhile but then because he loved what he was doing so much, came out ahead. I believe Josiah is wise beyond his years, he has accomplished more than most grown people I know, has something I think that we all wish to posses and that Is to love something so much that nothing else matters, nothing seems to be as important as that, and to drop everything in order to make that one dream a reality……Have a good night.

Mr. President
Enough Said...

About Time

This has been the worst political commercial season i have seen, and have heard numerous people agree. This is starting to scare me, how crazy some people can get when electing a president. This is an extremely important matter i realize this, but i understand that when John McCain or Barack Obama get elected, life will go on, things will change, some good, some bad. I have also come to realize that it will be a different place no matter who is elected, and no one goes into office trying to screw things up. This is what scares me about John McCain, he needs to realize that to some people he is becoming an extremely reliable source, powerful as well. It seems as though he is not aware of that and assumes every one has an equal intelligence of his or the majority of the united states. Some people cannot think for them selves, you will be surprised how many there are, they believe what they are told. They have no interest in seeing the opposite side of the story, or the facts that are right under there nose. John McCain needs to step up realize what he is saying, who he is saying it too, and fix that false accusations that have been put upon senator Barrack Obama.

32 Dollars

Let me first explain myself to, who ever may be reading. I am not the type of person that likes to be over dramatic about thing. I see both sides of every story, its what I pride myself on. These are just my random thoughts that I get running through my head, when I am doing nothing in high school.


Today while sitting in class an announcement comes over the intercom, dismissing all seniors for a lame cap and gown meeting. At this meeting we learned about all the cool, over priced, pretty much pointless goodies you can buy from the company. This was one of those occasions that you were just mad that you had to come too in the first place. Then one of my favorite associate principals (complete sarcasm) was handed the microphone. I don’t remember much about what he was trying to say to us, but I caught the part about the fees being around $32. Then we said with a more stern voice if you don’t rent this and look like the other 435 other students you will not walk. Walk referring to the walking across the stage at graduation ceremony, Walk symbolizing your entire high school career in a few moments. This for some strange reason got me thinking so much. I hear grown people talking about how they remember their walk. We see countless movies about it, and hear vitamin C sing about it every may. This struck me has hard to comprehend, as I have spent a huge portion of my life walking down the halls it comes down to me spending 32 dollars to receive the credit for doing it. For all the money I have spent in those halls ways, on those lunches it all comes down to me spending 32 more dollars to not have to spend any more. For all the time, effort I have put into everything was involved in, it all was worth 32 dollars? “its just $32” said someone sitting next to me, reacting to my confused/almost angry look. I responded with…. that’s the point its just $32 experience one of the best experiences (so I have been told) of your life. One of the best experiences of your life should have no dollar amount attached to it. Sorry if I ramble but hearing that just made me go into my (question everything) modes.

The Final Frontier

As I was sitting in my A.P. Environmental science class yesterday we started talking about how much we know about the world around us. We started talking about what we knew and about what we didn’t know. Then I really started to think hard about this subject. Then moments after I caught my teacher contradicting himself, or in my opinion, he did. He called Space the final frontier; I seem to disagree with this. This is because earlier in the class room discussion we talked about all we knew and he said that we know more about the surface of the moon, then we do about our own ocean floor. How can this space we talk about be the final frontier when we have already reached it with human beings and it so far away. Our ocean is the most mysterious thing that we have on this planet. We can touch the ocean yet we still don’t have the technology to study it in depth as we are with outer space. It scary to think that we haven’t even explored all there is to explore on this planet and we are already trying to study all the others, sure it might be more interesting but I don’t like the fact that there are unknowns about the planet that I live on. But maybe that’s what makes it so interesting and mysterious. Have a good day…

College Admissions

Tis the season that I am receiving 10-12 letters each day about how great this college in the middle of no where is. I have learned that this is one of the most stressful times I have been through thus far. They try to prepare us in high school for what we need to know, and if we don’t do good enough we are out of luck, demeaned unable to have a successful future. When in reality it is all a game, a game where people learn how to work to the system in there favor. But to me it is amazing how one person can change everything for you in these automatic grade books we call computers. Seriously to think about how much control high school teachers have over our lifeline to success (grades) is somewhat scary. A couple of changes in each of the computer of every class room, I am now saving 13,000 dollars a year. To recall all the pointless busy work I have acquired over the years that I have not bothered to turn in is now depressing to me. Then many of my friends are so consumed in how there transcripts look to colleges that it is completely taking over there life and it is sad to me. And I can confidently say that I would put my smarts up against there any day, in any situation. But because they spent 2 hours more a night, there GPA is better than mine and then receive a couple thousands more than I do, which the ones I am talking about probably have about 100,000 in there own personal bank account. I just feel as though the school system right now is not working the way they had in mind. I wish that some employers some day will be able to look past the fact that I didn’t get into the college that I wanted because my high school teacher didn’t like me, and in returned ruined my GPA, therefore “not being ready to move on.” (just an example) I think that to really have an accurate reading on who is successful in this area of matter is no longer paper tests, but the skills needed to live in the world and to perform the one maybe two tasks that you will need to know for your job. Never will happen but just had to let off some steam before heading to bed… Goodnight

Points of View

This video I stumbled across might look at first glance another stupid teenage you tube video, think again. This video has so much creativity with the perfect amount of humor. They balance it out perfectly in this video. The video I think is so cool because we have all seen the movie the matrix and the distinctive fight scenes and this puts it into a incredibly simple way of showing us how it is done. This video reminds me of geometry class and how we are supposed to learn how to rotate figures in our heads, most kids have an extremely hard time with this task, and I think that after watching a video like this you start to see the scene from different points of view. This is an extremely important trait to acquire, seeing others points of view and understanding where they are coming from. This video, to me, just re emphasizes that everyone sees something from a different point of view, and thinks it makes the most sense how they are viewing it, and have a hard time seeing what others do. I have to remind myself of this daily because of my constant opinions I have on everything around me. Its scary how a stupid video like this can get me talking about morals and life lessons.

This is AMAZING...

This is one of the most ridiculous things i have seen in awhile. This election has gotten so out of hand the last couple of weeks that it makes me think about not voting all together. Maybe i have only noticed this negativity because i have actually been following this election and the candidates for quite some time now. And now that i have looked back on some of the things McCain has said in recent rallies and such, i think that what is happening with his supporters is what he wanted, maybe not to the extent, but this is it. In recent speeches i have heard Sarah Palin numerous times linking Barrack Obamas name to "terrorist", and being the super politicians the are people believe them. This is so scary to me, that people that we are supposed to trust just go out and carelessly use extremely meaningful words to maybe not the most educated crowd. I will say it takes a lot of John McCain to step in and correct the woman, he earned a lot of respect from me for doing that. But i think you ask for it when you dont choose your words wisely and put out false statements. The thing i worry about now is that i haven't seen much of this from the obama campaign, and the only reason why this worries me is that i know that the "nice guy" always finishes last.... lets HOPE that the nice guy wins this one

Blog Topics

This is my blog, this blog is my own personal blog that i can write about anything that i desire. There is a couple of differences i have noticed already from my blog and the conventions of the others that i have seen thus far. The ones that we have been browsing for the past couple weeks seem to have a very distinct topic about them, whether it be about politics, tattoos, movies, science, religion of any other topics for review/discussion. That seems to be the greatest difference between mine and the rest. Rather than pick one topic that i will try to devote my whole blog too, i am going to work it exactly how my mind works. This could be interesting but i think that it will end up better than a one topic sort of thing. Now instead of confirming what my blog is going to be about i will tell you some of my interests and maybe that will lead you on some sort of path to where iam going to take this. I am very intrested in people, they are the most intersting things on this planet, sit and watch them for a bit and you will understand. Music, i think that music is one of the most important things on this planet, and there are so many people who can put flawless lyrics to melodies that just make life worth more. Science, the truth of what actually goes on to make this world go around, and the way we use science to make life more enjoyable through video games :) Movies, so many good ideas out there that no one has seen. Those are some of the subjects that iam most intrested in, now dont be thrown for a loop when i throw something out of the odrinary in there due to the world around us. Example, The election is coming up soon and i think i need to express some points of view in there as well.... hope you keep reading :)

Microsoft Surface

Well Hey

Interesting name choice i know... i was sitting in last hour and staring off into space and this song by incubus came on my ipod. Aqueous Transmission and i really sat there for about 20 min, just thinking about that title. It really jumped out at me for some reason, no personal reasoning just really like the name.

Lyrics: I'm floating down a river
Oars freed from their holes long ago
Lying face up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
And feel my heart overflow
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named emotion
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through
Maybe we'll meet again further down the river
And share what we both discovered...
Then revel in the view
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river