When I Grow Up

When I grow up is one of those things that you hear come out of countless peoples mouths, and I always seem to catch myself thinking about when they going to actually believe they are grown. I think that most of them will probably see themselves most grown up when they accomplish what ever it is they want the most. But to me that seems wrong, I think there are multiple things that have to happen in order to make yourself believe that you are grown up.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”- Anais Nin

Right now I am real unsure about all the things necessary to learn and to realize that you have grown, but I honestly can say that I have encountered some of them. And by no means, am I saying that I am growing up too fast, or trying to grow up too fast, I am just saying that there have been times in last couple of days which make me feel uneasy and more “grown” about things.

First, Yesterday one of my close friends and I went to go look around at the mall and ran into a old friend that no longer attends the same high school as we do. Back when he did attend the same high school he sure had gotten into his fair share of trouble, as he will tell you, and that’s most of the reason he doesn’t attend anymore. But as we got talking about school, future plans, friends I noticed a huge shift in everything I thought I knew about the kid. He went from some one who could care less about what other people think about him, to telling us he hopes no one is holding anything against him at school. And now is getting all kinds of opportunities to extend his education through the help of the army. After shaking his hand and a honest “good luck,” I walked away with a weird feeling that I have witnessed a complete change in a person that I would of never thought would of.

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.- Henri Bergson

I suppose there is one more little thing that got thinking about while staring off into space in either math or science class, and that’s my views on teachers and these adults that all of us kids are supposed to be learning all these important life lessons from… what a joke. Its weird to me for me to finally be able to look at a teacher or some one of authority and relate them to someone I know. Now, don’t get me wrong I do respect all of them and there are many, many good people teaching around here but the ones that I had been looking up too ever since middle school are kind of reminding me of the some of the jerks that I hang around with. I could throw these guys farther then I trust them , which let me tell you is quite an uneasy feeling.. HAHA Have a good night :)

Trust him not with your secrets, who, when left alone in your room, turns over your papers.- Johnann Kaspar Lavater

My Influences

As I have been trying to keep up with my blog as much as possible, with my busy hectic life, I start to realize what makes me look at the world differently. Sure some writers can sit down at any point in their busy day and spit out or right down what seems to be a flawless piece of writing. This is frustrating to me, because as I try to come up with some new ideas I always feel like I am coming up short. I started this blog to help me practice the one thing I have been constantly told I am not good at, expressing my feelings. I have found that this is an extremely hard task to try and learn. I will admit I feel like I am getting better, but it seems to take an actual event to “jumpstart” my thought process. I strive to be the kind of person that can share his important feelings any time he needs to, or to be able to tell the special people in your life how you feel about them, or to blog on a daily basis about seemingly nothing….. Have a good day.. :)

Now What...?

I experienced an extremely difficult situation to understand this week, i have been thinking about it non- stop for the past couple of days. Actually thinking about it to the point where it is hard to sleep and makes my stomach have a constant nervous feeling, it is a terrible thing. This was my experience, my best friend for about 5 months and i are now not speaking, not visiting, not communicating in any way. This can really do some harm to the moral of any human being. Its hard for me to grasp the fact of breaking up...

This was one of the most difficult experiences i have been through thus far in my short inexperienced life. The thing that really makes me wonder is how a simple title, "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" change the way the society as a whole looks at you. Its and idea, a concept, a word, not a tangible object like a wedding ring. But this title has more power than you would ever believe. This title of boyfriend/girlfriend makes you choose what you do with you free time differently, makes you spend money differently, makes other people look completely different at you. And the most powerful of all turns people completely against you when it is removed. The thing that i am having such a hard time with, is the fact the my best friend that quite possibly knows more about me than even my parents, is just gone. That gives me such an uneasy feeling it makes me sick. The only reason i decided that this "relationship" was not gonna work was because of distance. Then i start to realize that this is quite depressing... I in reality lost one of my best friends and mutual friends because of an hour car ride. For some reason it doesn't stack up for me. I guess what i am getting at is that relationships should be saved for those who are a little more mature, and in the time in their life when having a significant other is vital. Because what you get out of it, which is a lot, is not worth what you are going to lose...... have a good night :/

From one of my best friends... Do what makes you happy :)